Oral sex

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Physiology

Your mouth leads to the back of your throat, and together your mouth and throat are called your oropharynx. Your mouth and throat are lined with mucous membranes. These mucous membranes are permeable (that means let things in and out unlike regular skin) so the lining of the mouth can allow viruses such as HIV to pass through, enter your blood stream and cause infection. Chronic irritation along your gum line and the many lymphocytes (special immune system cells that HIV likes to attack) on your tonsils also make the mouth an even better place for HIV to enter the body. Mucous membranes also provide a warm, moist environment that is perfect for many other STDs, such as gonnorhea, to grow.

Your tongue, which is a muscle with taste buds, makes up the floor of your mouth. Thank your tongue for the wonderful sensations and tastes during oral sex. It is also a very useful tool for giving pleasure to your partner. But while in the throes of your passion, remember that your teeth are capable of inflicting much harm to a delicate penis or anus. Any cuts or damage to the penis or anus can make HIV transmission more likely. You can get HIV from unprotected oral sex, but your risk is much lower than from unprotected anal or vaginal sex.

When mastering the fine art of giving a blowjob, you might want to know something about the physiology of gagging. At the back of your throat, your nasal passages connect with your trachea. When you swallow, your trachea closes to prevent liquids and food from going into your lungs (down the wrong pipe). If something does get into your trachea, you react with violent coughing as your body clears the airway. Your gag reflex is another safety mechanism that your body has to keep your airways free of anything that can block the flow of oxygen to your lungs. When something hits the back of your throat -- and you are not in the process of swallowing -- the nerves stimulate muscles to contract violently. You gag and force the intruder back to the front of your mouth. When severe, your gagging can even precipitate vomiting. But there are things you can do to minimize the likelihood of these possibilities, which can definitely take the romance out of your moment.

Technique

Gagging is usually only a problem when your partner's penis hits the back of your throat. If you keep it at the front of your mouth, keeping your teeth covered with your lips, you can use your tongue to stimulate the sensitive nerves around his glans (head of his penis) and rub the base of his shaft with your hand. This should keep you from gagging, while still drive him wild. As you become more used to fellatio, you may find that you can take him further back into your mouth. You can see what works best for you, and your partner may not object to giving you lots of opportunities to practice. If you keep his penis in the center of your mouth, you can prevent it from hitting the side walls at the back of your throat (an area rich in gag inducing nerves). The thicker your partner's penis, the more chance it has of hitting the sides of your throat and triggering your gag reflex.

Here are a few other tricks you might try. You can suck on a anesthetic throat lozenge to numb the back of your throat. Although this will decrease gagging, it also deadens many of the nerves and taste buds that provide the enjoyable component of fellatio. Sword swallowers beat the gag reflex by tilting their head back so that the sword makes a straight shot for their esophagus and not the trachea. Some men find that in order to deep throat a really big "sword" they can lie on their back and hang their head over the edge of the bed. This maneuver lines up your esophagus with your mouth and cuts down on gagging. Since the gag reflex is heightened when the stomach is full you might want to give your blowjob on an empty stomach -- some guys are touchy about being spewed with the romantic meal you just shared. Some men find that breathing in while they go down on a penis decreases gagging while others find that breathing out does the trick. Experiment and find out what works best for you.

As the lucky fellow receiving a blowjob, you might want to remember a few things to keep your partner happy. If he seems nervous about having your penis in his mouth, let him control your penetration. If you force yourself deep into his throat, your penis can block his airway and he may feel like he is suffocating. If panic sets in one response may be to bite down -- to avoid this painful outcome, let him be in control. If your partner doesn't want you to cum in his mouth, then you must respect his wishes. And remember -- pre-cum contains HIV too.

Hygiene

Your genital area has many sweat glands that give off that musky and sometimes musty smell. For some men this is a turn on while others may take one sniff and be less enthusiastic about cozying up to your loins. If you do notice a less than pleasant aroma emanating from down there, a bit of pre-fellatio soap and water can do the trick. Just remember to rinse thoroughly to prevent a soapy aftertaste. Some perfume or cologne can help reduce smells too. Spray the perfume around your pubic hair and avoid your penis because it can leave an unpleasant taste. Likewise, beware of hand lotions that can leave a bitter taste.

It is natural for smegma (that cheesy white collection of dead skin cells and sweat) to collect under your foreskin around your glans. This is particularly true for uncircumcised men. Wash the smegma off before sex and dry your penis thoroughly before you pull your foreskin back down. If the smegma is stuck, be careful not to pull it off because this can injure your sensitive skin. Soak it first to loosen the secretions and then gently wipe it away. If you are on the receiving end of your partner's penis and he doesn't have that fresh-as-a-daisy smell, don't embarrass him. Instead, take him to the bathroom for a little shower foreplay. You can soap each other up while working toward a sexual frenzy.

Oral sex problems

In addition to that bothersome gag reflex and hygiene, some men not enjoy performing fellatio. Sucking a penis may be psychologically troubling for some, perhaps because of a past history of sexual abuse or assault. Take it slow; in time it may come to be pleasurable. We've all heard the whipped cream stories, and there's a good reason for this -it really works. Coating your penis in something your partner finds delicious might just entice him to lick it away. But remember that many food products contain fats that could damage condoms if you are moving toward protected anal or oral sex. Some partners might prefer sucking your penis when it is covered in a flavored condom. They feel safer from STDs (and they are). During oral sex, avoid condoms with lubricant, as they often taste quite bitter.

Some men are turned off to the idea of sucking an uncircumcised penis, while for others this is a total thrill. Talk to your partner if you are uncircumcised and he seems less than enthused about oral sex with your cloaked dagger. If cleanliness is the issue, a shower may solve your problem. If it's the look of your uncircumcised penis that doesn't appeal to him, you can pull your foreskin back when you have an erection. In this position, an uncircumcised penis looks almost exactly like a circumcised one and he might find it easier to dive right in (or down as the case may be). If you have a penile piercing, be careful not to injure your partner's teeth by thrusting too vigorously into his mouth. If he finds your piercing unappealing, you can listen to his concerns and try explaining to him why you like it. After some time touching and playing with it he might be more willing to pop it into his mouth.

How risky is it really?

But how risky is oral sex, especially if you are performing oral sex on a man and he doesn't ejaculate (cum) in your mouth? The lining of the mouth doesn't seem to be as vulnerable to HIV as the anus or the vagina, but there are often cuts and tears in the mouth, on the gums, or in the throat. Some studies have shown that saliva has enzymes that can kill the virus, but they have to come in contact with the virus for a certain length of time. These were also studies that were done in glass test tubes of saliva, not mouths.

How long is long enough? There is one study of HIV in pre-ejaculate (pre-cum) from men that were HIV-positive. Small amounts of virus were found in about a third of the cases. Is it enough to cause infection? There are no clear answers to these questions. Because the research into the risk from oral sex does not have all the answers we need, each person must make his or her own decision on what to do, and how much risk to take. This doesn't mean that you have to give up the things you love to do.

You may have to become a little more creative so that you can use safer sex tools and techniques to make those acts safer. Think of this as taking steps. Each "step" is a little safer. For example, if you like performing oral sex on a man unprotected, having your partner ejaculating (coming) in your mouth is the most risky. The next step would be to have unprotected oral sex, without your partner ejaculating in your mouth. The step after that would be to use a condom.

The absolute safest would be to avoid oral sex and substitute other activities, perhaps not having the head of the penis in your mouth but licking the shaft and the testicles (balls). If you do have oral sex without protection, think about what cuts or tears you might have in your mouth. If you have just had dental work or have a sore throat, this can increase the chances of infection or re-infection. Brushing your teeth (especially if you draw blood), flossing, and gum disease can all cause breaks in the skin of your mouth. This doesn't mean that you should never floss your teeth, but don't do it immediately before you are likely to have unprotected oral sex.

Oral sex performed on a woman carries a risk of HIV infection, because HIV can be transmitted in vaginal fluids. Oral-anal sex (mouth to anus, or "rimming") carries a very low risk of HIV infection; however, you can easily get amoebas, parasites, or hepatitis this way. For either activity, it is recommended that you use a "dental dam." This is a 6" by 6" square of latex (the same material used to make condoms).

It was originally invented for dentists to use during oral surgery, which is how it got its name. There are a range of choices you can make about vaginal sex, each of which can make it safer. Completely unprotected vaginal sex (where the man ejaculates in the woman) is the highest risk. Unprotected sex where the man pulls out before ejaculation would be safer; however, pre-ejaculate (pre-cum) can infect a woman.

Using a diaphragm with birth-control jelly may lessen the risk a little bit, and if this is all you can do, it's better than nothing. The most effective protection is to have the man wear a latex condom, which is the next safer step. For bisexuals as well as gay men, unprotected anal sex carries the highest chance of infection. If you are having anal sex with a partner who is HIV-positive, it doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, the risk is the same. It is extremely important to use a condom - some people are using thicker condoms. I don